Question
I am very much struggling with how to raise my son. I went through a painful divorce 5 years ago and I harbor a lot of resentment toward men in general for what I perceive is a daily obsession with sex.
How do I raise my son to see that sex can be wonderful between 2 people that love each other, but not to be obsessed with it? How do you raise kids to have a healthy attitude toward the body and sex?
This question might be too provocative, but I felt inspired to ask. Thanks for your time!
Answer
That is a wonderful question to ask (and not too racy for this site) as sex is a taboo topic, yet it needs to be discussed to heal the imbalance around it.
The first thing that comes to me from a transformational perspective is how important it is for you to heal the pain from your divorce and to release your resentment towards men for being obsessed with sex. As your viewpoint becomes more neutral and you see the possibility of men being balanced with sex, this will have an effect on your son – he will then see the possibility too.
You are a key role model for him so if you would like him to have a healthy, balanced view of male sexuality, you need to find ways to understand, have compassion for, and forgive men who are confused and act out in this area. It would also be helpful to notice all the men who are healthy and balanced around sex. Our beliefs affect what we see and do, so you may have been conditioned to believe men are obsessed with sex and therefore attract these type of men into your view and life experiences. It’s not to say that there are not a lot of males who are obsessed with sex, because there are. But there are also men who have worked through these issues or who don’t have them to begin with. Be open to seeing all of reality around this issue as this will be very healing for you.
Children are like sponges, absorbing what they see, hear and pick up intuitively from their parents, family, peers, society and the cultural norms they are raised in. The more they hear, see and pick up messages that the body is a natural wonder and not to be ashamed of but is to be taken care of and appreciated (through healthy eating, exercise, rest, self-love etc.) and that sex is a natural expression of love between two people, the more they will take on this perspective. As you live this example and spend time with others who do as well, this will have an effect on your son.
From a spiritual awareness perspective, like the saying goes – we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. We are growing in consciousness as humans but still have a ways to go. Sex is very body oriented and until people become aware of their spiritual side, they tend to let the mind and body dominate (which leads to cravings, addictions etc.). Your son has his own spiritual and human lessons to learn. I believe he chose you and his father as his parents as part of his ‘human’ experience here on this planet. So another aspect in addition to doing what you can to become more neutral about males and sex so your son can model this, is to trust your son’s spiritual and personal growth process. He’s a big spiritual being who knows what he’s doing on higher levels.
We each have lessons to learn, and sometimes we learn them the hard way as painful experiences have a tendency to push us to surrender, look deeper within and therefore grow personally and spiritually. But as we become more conscious we can learn and heal without painful experiences. May your pain from your divorce and resentments about males dissolve through the love in your heart. Take care of yourself.
