Separating from your partner

Assess your situation

• Evaluate your safety – if you’re in an abusive relationship, prioritise your safety. Make a safety plan that includes emergency contacts, a safe place to go, and important documents
• Clarify your reasons – write down your reasons for wanting to separate. This can help you stay focused and motivated during difficult moments

Seek support

• Therapy and counselling – a mental health professional can help you process your emotions, navigate the separation, and rebuild your self-esteem
• Support groups – join support groups for individuals who have experienced similar situations. Sharing experiences with others can provide emotional support and practical advice.
• Trusted friends and family – confide in friends and family who can offer emotional support and practical help during this time

Plan the separation

• Financial preparation – assess your financial situation and plan for any changes. This might involve budgeting, understanding your rights, and possibly seeking legal advice regarding financial settlements or spousal support
• Legal advice – consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and obligations, especially if you have shared assets or children. This can help you prepare for legal aspects of the separation
• Housing arrangements – decide where you will live after the separation. This might involve finding a new place or making arrangements to stay with friends or family

Communicate effectively

• Choose the right time – pick a time to discuss the separation when you’re calm and not in the heat of an argument
• Be clear and direct – communicate your decision clearly and calmly. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and reasons without placing blame
• Prepare for reactions – be prepared for a range of emotional responses from your partner. They may try to persuade you to stay or react with anger or distress

Focus on self-care

• Emotional healing – engage in activities that help you process your emotions, such as journalling, meditating, or talking with a therapist
• Physical health – maintain a healthy lifestyle through exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient sleep to support your overall well-being
• Personal interests – reconnect with hobbies and interests that bring you joy and fulfilment

Establish boundaries

• Limit contact – after separation, set clear boundaries with your ex-partner. Decide on how much contact you will have and stick to it
• Maintain boundaries – if your partner tries to cross boundaries or manipulate you, reinforce your limits firmly and consistently

Manage the practicalities

• Change passwords – update passwords for personal accounts, especially if they were shared with your partner
• Update documents – change your address and update any legal documents or identification if necessary
• Inform relevant parties – notify any relevant institutions or services about your change in circumstances, such as banks, utilities, and employers

Rebuild your life

• Set new goals – focus on personal growth and set new goals for your future. This can help you stay positive and forward-looking
• Build a support network – strengthen connections with friends and family who can provide ongoing support and encouragement
• Explore new opportunities – embrace new opportunities and experiences that align with your values and interests

Legal and custody matters (if applicable)

• Custody arrangements – if you have children, work on creating a fair and clear custody arrangement that prioritises their well-being. Consult a family lawyer to help navigate this process
• Legal protection – if necessary, seek legal protection from harassment or threats, such as restraining orders

Reflect and learn

• Reflect on the relationship – take time to reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and how you can use this insight to build healthier relationships in the future
• Seek personal growth – engage in activities or therapy that support personal growth and help you develop healthier relationship patterns