Question

I believe we have the power to heal ourselves and others. And I know I’m a spiritual being and I’ve experienced some unexplainable things in my life, both bad and good.

But when I have tried to convince family members of my beliefs, they think of me as silly or foolish and consider me to be an embarrassment, which I know I am not.

How do I rid myself of their negativity towards me?

Answer

Doesn’t it feel great to be aware of yourself as a spiritual being! I find it very empowering. I can relate to the situation with your family. I’ve found over the years that I only share what I sense my family can understand and appreciate. I know it’s difficult to not share everything about yourself and not be “seen” by your family. And it’s painful to think that your family views you as an embarrassment. Know deep in your heart that they are coming from fear as they don’t know themselves as spiritual beings the way you do. Hearing about things that are beyond their conscious experience may trigger their ego fear and judgment response – but you don’t have to take it personally. It says more about them than it does about you.

If you can have compassion for them (think of what they are missing out on not realising they are powerful spiritual beings) and know that they are on their own journey (and will one day or one life-time become conscious of this, but it is their process – not up to others to convince them), this will help you to release their negativity. As you say hello to the spirit in them and rise above their ego comments, this will help support your connection to them. Love, compassion and forgiveness are all self-healing tools.

I also find amusement very helpful. If you can stay centred within your higher, bigger, spiritual self where you are at ease and amused, you will slough off your family’s comments and negativity. Like attracts like so over time you will attract like minded people who know and appreciate what you are experiencing. In the meantime, try to find common ground with your family so you can enjoy your time with them (and you may find you spend less time with them once you have created more connections with spiritually minded people).

Question

Why do I always feel depressed like there is something missing in my life?

What can I do to make myself feel better?

Answer

It’s hard for me to know exactly why you feel depressed without knowing more about your situation, but you did mention that you feel like something’s missing and that could be an important aspect of it.

Feeling depressed can happen for many reasons. People who experience a number of symptoms of depression for more than 3 weeks may be considered clinically depressed and require treatment from a doctor, counsellor or alternative health practitioner. When people are clinically depressed they have lower levels of serotonin in their brain and as they find ways to raise these levels (through medication, herbal remedies, exercise, cognitive therapy, acupuncture, energy healing and so on) they feel better.

But in your case, it sounds like this isn’t just a biochemical imbalance, but that something is calling to you. Have you experienced any form of loss lately, as depression is a natural part of the grieving process? Loss of a loved one, loss of a job, relationship or any form of change that incurs loss may trigger feelings of depression for a while.

Is your heart and soul longing for a change? Sometimes depression is a lack of passion or inspiration. What would you love to do in your life if time, money and others weren’t an issue? See if you can find ways to honor these longings in a healthy way.

Are you expressing your creativity? Depression can also be a smothering or repression of creative expression. Perhaps writing, drawing, painting, dancing or some other form of creative expression might help (and you don’t have to be an artist, it’s about the process not the outcome of the creativity that counts here).

Are you in touch with your emotions. Repressed anger can sometimes feel like depression. Get in touch with the emotions that underlie your feelings of depression. If there is sadness, touch into it and allow it to communicate to you. If there is anger, feel it and process it in a way that feels healthy to you (writing about it, using paint or crayons to express anger, or talking to a friend or counsellor can help).

Do you have a spiritual practice? If you feel like something is missing, it may be a connection to your spiritual self or the God of your heart. Meditation and prayer can be a way to discover who you are beyond your mind and body. Underneath our mind’s thoughts and our body’s emotions is our natural state of love, joy and amusement. Take time each day to touch into your true nature.

To discover more insights into your depression, you might try talking to it as though it is a separate character in your life. You could close your eyes and have an inner dialogue with it or write a letter to it and write back to yourself from the perspective of your depression. Try asking it what it wants, what it is trying to tell you, how it is trying to help you. This may give you deeper awareness of why you feel depressed or what is missing in your life.

Question

My wife is pregnant with our first child. Should I really listen to my mother and mother in law’s advice? They both drive me crazy, and make me feel incompetent, telling me I should cook more etc. This in turn makes me want to leave my wife now, before things get worse.

Until this all started we had a sense of equality and stability in our relationship.

Now, whenever I think if something nice to do in a proactive way, I’m disempowered by a person (usually female, but I know gender is coincidental) nagging me to do it, before they know what I have planned. That just makes me reluctant to continue, as I do not wish to reinforce bad (disempowering) behaviour.

I want some sense of control of (at least part of) my personal life, in a family environment – is this realistic or should I just pack up and leave?

Thanks

Answer

Hello Reluctant Cook.

It’s totally understandable what you are going through.

You have a major shift happening in your home which affects your relationship with your wife, and you have other women (the other mothers) trying to control what you do. No wonder you feel like bolting. But this is a wonderful opportunity for you to own your space and not feel controlled by others. There’s been a game on the planet for years where women feel controlled by men and men feel controlled by women, but it’s time to end it. Being in resistance doesn’t help though as what we resist persists and sticks in our space.

My suggestion is for you to take time each day to find your inner power – your bigger, higher self who sees this as a big cosmic joke (through meditation, exercise or whatever helps you to find inner peace and touch into your empowerment). From this higher perspective you can more easily move into a state of ease and let the females’ pushing and nagging energy wash over you instead of stick to you.

Get in touch with what you really want to do and why you want to do it. For example, let’s say you’re feeling inspired to cook or do something helpful for your wife and then someone suggests you do it and you start to feel pressured. Just breathe, see the humor in the timing of the situation and then retune to what you want to do (not what the other wants you to do) – feel the good feeling you get from supporting your wife and soon to be child and remind yourself that this is your decision, not someone else’s. It might coincide with what another wants, but it is your choice.

As you stay focused on the positive aspects of your current situation, and stay as neutral and amused as you can with the difficult parts, you will be able to own your power and not give it away to others. They in turn will sense your new empowerment and most likely back off (at first they might challenge it, but stay in your higher power of amusement and inspiration). If you give in to frustration and powerlessness, this will feel awful, but as soon as you rise above it, you’ll feel good again.

Question

I have been seeing a guy for 8 months. There has been a slow but steady development of us being closer and not so guarded. We have a lot of long term goals that are the same.

Somehow I just cant bring myself to ask him if I’m someone he sees as more than what we are. Not sure what to do. We mirror each other when it comes to being cautious.

How do I ask him about taking the appropriate next steps in our relationship for us.

Answer

If you feel uncomfortable asking your boyfriend if he sees you and he as more than you are, then perhaps it isn’t time to ask.

It’s hard to know if we see someone more than where we are with them in this moment. You mentioned that things are moving forward, even if slowly, so that sounds good.

I’m big on staying in the present moment, allowing things to unfold naturally in their own time.

A relationship is like a flower, it needs nourishment, but it has its own blossoming time. If you are happy with where the relationship is in this moment, can you trust it to unfold naturally?

If there comes a time where it isn’t where you want it to be, perhaps then it’s time to have a conversation about where your boyfriend sees you and he going, but if you’re happy in the meantime, enjoy that.

Take care.